Rick Perry, DUI

By Michael J.W. Stickings

That is, Debating Under the Influence:

Texas Gov. Rick Perry was under the influence of painkillers during televised presidential debates over the last year to help relieve severe back pain, according to a soon-to-be released eBook on the 2012 Republican race for president obtained by The Daily Caller.

"It became an open secret that he was using painkillers in sufficient dosages to keep him standing through the two-hour debates," write the authors of "Inside the Circus."

This would explain a lot, given his miserable debate performances, when he frequently looked (and came across as) dazed and confused, but another explanation, perhaps a complementary one, is just that he's a moron who was way, way, way out of his depth.